Just the faintest of tickles to wish all patrons a very pleasant Christmas and a fulfilling 2009.
Please remember that the blog will be open for mince pies, twiglets and Quality Street until 11.30pm and that Maureen will be serving her famous mulled wine (including her special ingredient which we suspect may be Marmite) from after EastEnders until closing.
It has been a pleasure to serve during the past few weeks and I hope to continue to speckle your clouds with silver linings well into the new year.
Whether you are off to the Boxing Day Test or the bottom of a box of FamilyCircle biscuits, I wish you health, happiness and the opportunity to practice your cover drives with an empty tube of wrapping paper. Until 2009...
Wednesday 24 December 2008
Monday 22 December 2008
Flash hard
"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." I splutter, bumbling into the room. My arms are full of disassociated paperwork, coffee mugs and a fragrant sense of misadventure. I have been missing for the entire month of December yet I reappear as though I was delayed at the bakers by a fat woman wishing to smell all the buns.
My apologies are however genuine. Last week I had flu. I don't recommend it. I was so weak I barely had the strength to throw anything at Cliff Richard at all. Luckily I managed a handful of phlegmgorised tissues and feel my point was made.
Anyway, shall we get back into this? June 2004 is our destination, at time when a 53 year old man from York was banned from all the hospitals in England and Wales because of an abusive manner and a fetish for surgical masks. And England are beating France in Euro 2004 and then suddenly they aren't.
UCLES* took to this self indulgent field of dreams as Monk, Lawrence, Linsdell, Wylie, Visage, Richards, Braithwaite, Siyambalapitiya, Robinson, Dagless, Danson.
My apologies are however genuine. Last week I had flu. I don't recommend it. I was so weak I barely had the strength to throw anything at Cliff Richard at all. Luckily I managed a handful of phlegmgorised tissues and feel my point was made.
Anyway, shall we get back into this? June 2004 is our destination, at time when a 53 year old man from York was banned from all the hospitals in England and Wales because of an abusive manner and a fetish for surgical masks. And England are beating France in Euro 2004 and then suddenly they aren't.
UCLES* took to this self indulgent field of dreams as Monk, Lawrence, Linsdell, Wylie, Visage, Richards, Braithwaite, Siyambalapitiya, Robinson, Dagless, Danson.
UCLES* v Physics (15/06/04)
Amidst the Serengeti-sized plains of Churchill College, UCLES last night produced one of their finest ever performances to beat Physics, the current leagues champions, by a dismissive 8 wickets.
A few years ago, all the term 'Physics' meant to me was sitting at the back of a musty classroom, scratching I.T.F.C into a thick wooden desk with a compass whilst trying to work out which of the girls in the room were wearing bras. Nowadays, the term 'Physics' has become synonymous with watching a small red ball fly around a Cambridge field. I occasionally try and work out which UCLES players are wearing bras, but only in-between overs.
Having won the toss and elected to field, UCLES learned very quickly that the Physics leading batsman was still in reasonably good nick, swatting Richards and Siyambalapitiya effortlessly around the mighty Churchill outfield. Indeed Visage was required to use the Park and Ride service to retrieve one lusty blow. With this talented pest at one end, much it seemed would depend on UCLES' successes at the other and before long the visitors had struck, Richards forcing the less notable opener to paddle meekly to Braithwaite behind square. That triumph however welcomed another star to the crease, leaving UCLES in the unlikely situation of bowling to a pair of batsmen that had both recently made hundreds at their expense.
And for a while this pair dominated proceedings with an impressive combination of power, timing and placement. Half-chances came and went without either bat suggesting they were particularly likely to get out and at 110-1 after just 12 overs, Physics were moving in to an apparently unassailable position. In an attempt to disrupt their healthy rhythm, Lawrence was rotating his bowling attack and this ploy finally worked as UCLES struck twice in two overs.
Firstly the impressive Braithwaite removed the Physics No.3 (mysteriously batting under a helmet - maybe he thought Monk and Wylie were going to bowl...) caught well by Wylie in the covers. Then, at the other end, came the moment which changed the game.
Linsdell, being given an over from the Lovely-New-University-Halls End (in the same sort of way Mark Richardson was given an over in the last test match) lulled the Physics opening bat into a thunderous cut shot. With Visage already hailing a cab to complete the fielding, Danson, standing at an unlikely point, hurled himself towards the ball to take a catch worthy of dismissing just about any batsman alive - and a few dead ones too. As they say - you never lose it. It was a moment of athletic genius and it left the junior players wondering just how good a player Danson must have been in his inter-war prime.
The remainder of the Physics innings then followed the pattern of the season so far with batsmen appearing and disappearing with all the regularity of the British Peekabo Champion. Linsdell was the astonished beneficiary of much of the collapse, picking up a further 4 victims in a tale longer than Ruud Van Nistelrooy's face. There was even the drama of two hat-trick balls as the home side fell apart. On both occasions Linsdell choked like an amateur yet still finished with an embarrassingly tidy 5 for 6. Never has mediocrity seen such reward.
A late flurry of runs boosted the final total but at 143-8 from 20 overs, Physics had fallen away badly and given UCLES a glimmer of hope.
A quick start was always going to be important and Linsdell got UCLES on their way. When the 'all-rounder' was dismissed on the sixth ball of the innings he had already bagged 3 boundaries in an 18-run first over. This wicket brought Monk to the crease to join Lawrence and the pair were immediately into their stride - taking advantage of some uncomfortable fielding and a lighting-fast outfield.
As the overs came and went, so the runs required fell away. With regular and often imperious boundaries, Lawrence and Monk were taking a grip on proceedings and moving UCLES to within sight of a famous victory. With the blood pressure of the batsmen due in next beginning to rise, Monk and Lawrence were calmness itself, the former cruising past 50 with another crisply timed push. At the other end however Lawrence finally succumbed just 3 short of his own well-deserved half-century, having added a match-winning 110 with Monk in a touch over 90 balls.
With the required rate down below 5 and Wylie scampering between the stumps for his life, Monk saw UCLES to the 144 required with more than an over to spare. As victories go, they don't come much better than this - clawing victory from the hands of defeat to chase down 143 against the reigning champions. In the end, the 8-wicket triumph was something of a thrashing. A tremendous team performance with everyone playing a key part.
Perhaps surprisingly, Physics were stunned. After all Newton's Third Law of Motion says, 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.' Funny really then, that they didn't see this coming…
A few years ago, all the term 'Physics' meant to me was sitting at the back of a musty classroom, scratching I.T.F.C into a thick wooden desk with a compass whilst trying to work out which of the girls in the room were wearing bras. Nowadays, the term 'Physics' has become synonymous with watching a small red ball fly around a Cambridge field. I occasionally try and work out which UCLES players are wearing bras, but only in-between overs.
Having won the toss and elected to field, UCLES learned very quickly that the Physics leading batsman was still in reasonably good nick, swatting Richards and Siyambalapitiya effortlessly around the mighty Churchill outfield. Indeed Visage was required to use the Park and Ride service to retrieve one lusty blow. With this talented pest at one end, much it seemed would depend on UCLES' successes at the other and before long the visitors had struck, Richards forcing the less notable opener to paddle meekly to Braithwaite behind square. That triumph however welcomed another star to the crease, leaving UCLES in the unlikely situation of bowling to a pair of batsmen that had both recently made hundreds at their expense.
And for a while this pair dominated proceedings with an impressive combination of power, timing and placement. Half-chances came and went without either bat suggesting they were particularly likely to get out and at 110-1 after just 12 overs, Physics were moving in to an apparently unassailable position. In an attempt to disrupt their healthy rhythm, Lawrence was rotating his bowling attack and this ploy finally worked as UCLES struck twice in two overs.
Firstly the impressive Braithwaite removed the Physics No.3 (mysteriously batting under a helmet - maybe he thought Monk and Wylie were going to bowl...) caught well by Wylie in the covers. Then, at the other end, came the moment which changed the game.
Linsdell, being given an over from the Lovely-New-University-Halls End (in the same sort of way Mark Richardson was given an over in the last test match) lulled the Physics opening bat into a thunderous cut shot. With Visage already hailing a cab to complete the fielding, Danson, standing at an unlikely point, hurled himself towards the ball to take a catch worthy of dismissing just about any batsman alive - and a few dead ones too. As they say - you never lose it. It was a moment of athletic genius and it left the junior players wondering just how good a player Danson must have been in his inter-war prime.
The remainder of the Physics innings then followed the pattern of the season so far with batsmen appearing and disappearing with all the regularity of the British Peekabo Champion. Linsdell was the astonished beneficiary of much of the collapse, picking up a further 4 victims in a tale longer than Ruud Van Nistelrooy's face. There was even the drama of two hat-trick balls as the home side fell apart. On both occasions Linsdell choked like an amateur yet still finished with an embarrassingly tidy 5 for 6. Never has mediocrity seen such reward.
A late flurry of runs boosted the final total but at 143-8 from 20 overs, Physics had fallen away badly and given UCLES a glimmer of hope.
A quick start was always going to be important and Linsdell got UCLES on their way. When the 'all-rounder' was dismissed on the sixth ball of the innings he had already bagged 3 boundaries in an 18-run first over. This wicket brought Monk to the crease to join Lawrence and the pair were immediately into their stride - taking advantage of some uncomfortable fielding and a lighting-fast outfield.
As the overs came and went, so the runs required fell away. With regular and often imperious boundaries, Lawrence and Monk were taking a grip on proceedings and moving UCLES to within sight of a famous victory. With the blood pressure of the batsmen due in next beginning to rise, Monk and Lawrence were calmness itself, the former cruising past 50 with another crisply timed push. At the other end however Lawrence finally succumbed just 3 short of his own well-deserved half-century, having added a match-winning 110 with Monk in a touch over 90 balls.
With the required rate down below 5 and Wylie scampering between the stumps for his life, Monk saw UCLES to the 144 required with more than an over to spare. As victories go, they don't come much better than this - clawing victory from the hands of defeat to chase down 143 against the reigning champions. In the end, the 8-wicket triumph was something of a thrashing. A tremendous team performance with everyone playing a key part.
Perhaps surprisingly, Physics were stunned. After all Newton's Third Law of Motion says, 'For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.' Funny really then, that they didn't see this coming…
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