My paternal grandmother was not a good cook. She was famous for serving gravy by the slice and a piece of her fruit cake kept the kitchen table level for nearly 7 years. Her crowning glory however came Easter Sunday 1983 when she presented family dinner guests with a peach flan inadvertently glazed with creosote. As one would expect, we politely enjoyed the dessert, with a fair lug of clotted cream, and all would have been well had Great Uncle Stan not collapsed and died of extensive oropharyngeal ulcerations just after Songs of Praise. His cremation took six days.
The contents of Nana Linsdell's cookbook was at the back of no-one's mind last Thursday as UCLES* took to the fields of St Catz to resume a 57 year struggle with the Department of Physics. Ladds and Murray made a glorious return to UCLES* spectatorship and unfurled themselves upon a bench with a cheeky handful of hops and fizz.
Skipper Bobby lost the toss and raised his eyebrows when the opposition skipper roughly inserted him. Linsdell and Thwaites waddled to the wicket like ducks with dysentery and they were immediately asked a series of difficult and probing questions by the opening bowlers, like Jeremy Paxman grilling an adulterous lover. It took them a little while to wind-up but Linsdell eventually managed four shots of purpose, including his first two maximums of a largely profitable season.
When Thwaites and Linsdell departed UCLES* progress slowed to that of a wet, three-legged St Bernard climbing up hill through a river of fast flowing golden syrup. Only Vice and Wylie profited late on with some sumptuous drives to take UCLES* to a notably under par 123 for 7 in their 20 over allocation. Against a strong Physics side, it already looked a couple of lilac leisure suits short of a WI aerobics class.
Having been sledged by his talkative if seemingly inconsequential brother for much of his time at the crease, Ordish began with purpose and direction. With the chirpy hoop of Spittle at the other end UCLES* were staying firm beneath a barrage of blows and stretching the evening towards dusk. The opposition, clearly expecting to be home in time to run a highlighter pen through a couple of chapters about the principles of inertia before bedtime, were obviously startled by increasingly contemptuous bowling and a fielding side that fizzed and chirped like a budgie on a barbecue. UCLES*, backs to the wall, were warming to their task.
Vice and Kodavati danced provocatively in the windows dressed by Ordish and Spittle and both were unlucky not to collect more wickets, especially with one catch that entered and then passed through Skipper Bobby like a piece of sweetcorn on steroids. Stretching and dragging out the contest with all the tenacity of a Yorkshire Terrier eating a crocodile, UCLES* took the game to the final over before a clipped full toss passed beyond the Superman dive of Walsh and to the boundary. The scorebook will hiss softly with the lie of an 8-wicket defeat but in truth UCLES* were just a muffin-sized piece of fortune away from a brave and unlikely victory.
Defeat, like Nana Linsdell's cooking, is sometimes difficult to swallow. But with a good lug of spirit, a side serving of managed aggression and a healthy dose of espirit de corps there is always something to take away from such disappointment…which is what we used to do…usually from the dreadful Chinese on the High Street.
UCLES 123 for 7 (20 overs)
Linsdell 32 (25 balls)
Thwaites 31(36 balls)
Robinson 6 (17 balls)
Skipper Bobby 0 (1 ball)
Brock 1 (3 ball)
Walsh 0 (1 ball)
Vice 14 (9 balls)
Wylie 18 not out (14 balls)
Ordish 6 not out (6 balls)
Physics 125 for 2 (19.2 overs)
Ordish 0 for 26 (5 overs)
Spittle 1 for 30 (5 overs)
Vice 1 for 32 for (5 overs)
Kodavati 0 for 24 (4 overs)
Skipper Bobby 0 for 4 (0.2 overs)
Physics win by 8 wickets
